just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
