In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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