hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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