mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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