Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
