Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
