oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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