who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize