I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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