I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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