There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
