its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
