Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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