after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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