your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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