I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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