Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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