My hand turned me down
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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