just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
