i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
