is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
