that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
