I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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