I want to make a zoo with you.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
