i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
