David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
