well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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