I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
