'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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