"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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