i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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