Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
