and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
