why didn't you poke me back
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my being single is dangerous.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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