So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
