I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
