talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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