Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dear god my vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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