i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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