There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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