it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
