I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Terrible idea I love it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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