My room smells like vodka and shame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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