mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
tell me about the fingering
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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