So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
