and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
