haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
