i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's official drugs can't kill me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
