His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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