I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
