Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
