Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
