He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
