he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
