bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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