Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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