Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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