some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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