Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
