New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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