i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
