he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize