first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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