Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
