it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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