my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
