It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
